Grief does not move in a straight line
There is a common idea that grief moves through stages and then comes to an end. In practice, most people find it does not work like that. Grief tends to ease and return, sometimes long after a loss, and often without warning. Anniversaries are a common example. The date of a death, a birthday, a wedding anniversary or a holiday that was once shared can bring the loss back with surprising force. So can other life events, such as a wedding, the birth of a grandchild, or a move, where the absence of the person who has died is felt sharply. When this happens, people sometimes worry that they are going backwards, or that they should be “over it” by now. A return of strong feeling does not mean that. It is part of how grief works. The relationship mattered, and its absence continues to be felt at the moments that matter most. The support of family and friends is vital. Even so, many people find there are things they cannot easily say to those closest to them, often because those people are grieving too. Some need to talk about the more private aspects of a relationship, or about feelings they find hard to admit, such as anger, relief or guilt. Speaking with someone impartial can make it possible to say these things and feel less alone with them. If grief is affecting your sleep, your work or your relationships, or you simply feel you need somewhere to talk, you are welcome to telephone the clinic.
When becoming a mother brings up your own childhood
Becoming a mother is often described as one of the happiest times of life, and for many women it is. But it can also be a time when feelings arrive that seem out of proportion, or that have no obvious cause. Anxiety, low mood, irritability, or a sense of being overwhelmed are common during pregnancy and in the first twelve to twenty-four months after delivery. Sometimes these feelings are connected to something older. Caring for a baby brings us very close to our own earliest experiences of being cared for. Memories, or simply moods, from childhood can be stirred in ways that are hard to put into words. A woman who had a difficult relationship with her own mother, or who lived through frightening or painful experiences as a child, may find those experiences feel closer now than they have in years. This is not a sign that anything is wrong with you as a mother. It is a very common experience, and one that antenatal teams now routinely screen for. It does mean, though, that it can help to have somewhere to think about what is being stirred up, rather than trying to push it away while also coping with exhaustion and the demands of a new baby. In my work I see women with depression and anxiety, feelings of isolation, bonding difficulties, self-doubt and exhaustion, as well as those adjusting after fertility treatment, pregnancy loss or a difficult birth. I like to work alongside GPs, psychiatrists and other health professionals so that you have a good team supporting you. If you are struggling during pregnancy or after the birth of your baby, please speak with your GP, or telephone the clinic to discuss an appointment. Post 3 Title: Grief does not move in a straight line Excerpt: Why the intensity of loss can return around anniversaries, and what that does and does not mean. Content: There is a common idea that grief moves through stages and then comes to an end. In practice, most people find it does not work like that. Grief tends to ease and return, sometimes long after a loss, and often without warning. Anniversaries are a common example. The date of a death, a birthday, a wedding anniversary or a holiday that was once shared can bring the loss back with surprising force. So can other life events, such as a wedding, the birth of a grandchild, or a move, where the absence of the person who has died is felt sharply. When this happens, people sometimes worry that they are going backwards, or that they should be “over it” by now. A return of strong feeling does not mean that. It is part of how grief works. The relationship mattered, and its absence continues to be felt at the moments that matter most. The support of family and friends is vital. Even so, many people find there are things they cannot easily say to those closest to them, often because those people are grieving too. Some need to talk about the more private aspects of a relationship, or about feelings they find hard to admit, such as anger, relief or guilt. Speaking with someone impartial can make it possible to say these things and feel less alone with them. If grief is affecting your sleep, your work or your relationships, or you simply feel you need somewhere to talk, you are welcome to telephone
Why the first few sessions are mostly listening
People often arrive at their first appointment expecting to be told what is wrong and what to do about it. It can be surprising, and sometimes a little frustrating, to find that the first few sessions are spent mostly talking while I listen. There is a good reason for this. Before any treatment begins, I need to understand what is currently making life difficult, how long it has been this way, and what you hope will be different. I also need to understand something of your history, your relationships, and the ways you have learned to cope. None of this can be rushed, and much of it only becomes clear once you have had the chance to speak in your own words. Assessment usually takes two to three appointments. During this time we talk about the matters that are currently problematic, and I will ask what you hope to gain from attending. It is also a chance for you to get a sense of me and of how I work. Feeling able to speak openly matters a great deal, and it is reasonable to take a little time to find out whether that is possible. At the end of the assessment we discuss together how to proceed. For some people that means medium to long term psychotherapy. For others a shorter, more focused approach is a better fit. If I do not think I am the right person for what you need, I will say so and suggest another professional for you to consult. Listening carefully at the start is not a delay to the real work. It is where the real work begins. If you would like to arrange an initial assessment, you are welcome to telephone the clinic.